New Year´s reflections

MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY GOUND HOG’S DAY! (ha! I am early for one of them!)

How has the holidays left all of you? Hopefully refreshed with God’s love and ready to conquer 2008!

Christmas here was quite a treat. Christmas Eve morn began chasing around two 7 year old boys with their new carritos (little cars) from Santa and winded down after mass, Christmas plays, tamales, neighbors, a midnight prayer circle under a full moon, and a late night discussion of Christmas traditions.

Even with all the joys of the Christmas season, I find myself struggling spiritually. We have a plethora of prayer services. The days when I am really focused, and the priest is really clear, I can get the homily, but even these days are dry. Last week, I was in mass with the children, and for the first time in a while, I was consumed by God’s presence in the room. It stated to rain pretty strongly, and there was a wind that made the rafters of the church sing. In that moment, I could feel God’s love. It was like giving a glass of water to a parched man in the desert. The entire mass went like this. It was wonderful. During the kiss of peace (when you shake hands and say “peace be with you” with other members of the community), Magdalena came up to me (if I have not told you about this little girl before, I apologize. She is a 7 year old girl with enough gozo (joy) to bring peace to the world, and a smile that would make the worst dictator melt before her) put her hands on the her cheeks smiled at me with a little squeal of excitement. I picked her up to give her a hug and she put her hands on both of my cheeks and brought by head forward so our foreheads touched. I almost started crying as I was overtaken by God’s love through this little girl.
My struggles here are a result of God’s changing appearance. He used to look like a well kept church, a man dressed in robes, a little wafer of unleavened wheat. Here, God is Magdalena, José Pastor, Sadie, Angel David, the mother of 10 who breaks down in tears of despair as I find her 11th child’s heartbeat to be strong and healthy in her belly, the volunteer who spends extra money and 5 hours to cook a special Christmas meal for the 10 of us who are missing our friends and families, the two determined boys who walk down a mountain with heavy sacks of vegetables while their older and stronger brothers complain as they carry a stick of sugar cane.

I encounter God every day here. Some days, when my eyes are open, I see Him.

Despair often creeps into the work here, and there are many moments when I want to throw up my hands in disgust and take the next flight home. After three months, I am finding myself shrinking. I am reminded that this is not my project. I am not the master builder, but only one worker. I am not here to fix centuries and cycles of poverty and abuse. I am here to do my little part by loving those people whom I get to encounter. I am here to work with what I have and with who I am to do the work God has given me; nothing more and nothing less.

Thank you for the work that you do. Thank you for saying YES to your part in this world as it is good, necessary, and of God.

learning what love is,
Jenny